


What is

by inaflorian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13363143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaflorian/pseuds/inaflorian
Summary: What is and what could be.





	What is

The meeting started with the report of the wounded. There had been an influx at the hospital of their young soldiers, of stomach ache, of gun-shot wounds, of broken limbs and while it wasn’t unusual to get hurt while training, it was unlikely all of them would happen right after the next expedition schedule had been announced.

From his spot by the window, Levi saw Erwin struggle with the written down numbers, his impatience leaking into his tone, like it often did when there were more than a couple of sleepless nights weighing him down. He let it slide, saw how Mike rubbed at his moustache and let the man finish.

“We need an evaluation of the mental capacity from all the hospitalised soldiers,” the man said, drawing a breath that got stuck in his chest. “I wouldn’t like to take a risk with them as… as last time.”

“Should I appoint a team to interview the soldiers?” Moblit asked at once, receiving  a nod from Erwin. Levi saw the look Erwin and Hanji shared and scoffed.

“Shitty pants won’t help us get anything done.”

He knew not to look at the reprimanding stare Erwin gave him, instead glaring out of the window, pausing to peer at the empty courtyard. He heard Erwin follow up with something to do with some money stuff that would mean another trip to the capital and he wondered whether he had enough of his own to get a few items from the black market while they were in the city.

“I would like to hear back from all of you before the end of this week. I should be back by then,” Erwin concluded and Levi turned around to face the room, signalling for the meeting to end. Mike stood up, getting his papers off the table and nodding his goodnights.

Levi watched the rest of them do the same, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. He looked around it, following the same routes, the crossbeams, the cracks between the floorboards, the rug and the bookshelves that covered an entire wall. Hearing the typical shuffling of papers, the scribbling sound of his pen, Levi closed his eyes, letting himself fall into that state between what was and what could be.

It was only an estimated couple of hours later that something alerted him back to what was, his heart lurching in his chest when there was no sign of Erwin in the room, something having pulled him from his near-sleep. He couldn’t hear much anything, just the wind outside, the creaking of the wood under his feet as he closed the door to the office behind himself and the fluttering torch by the door that he took with him.

There was a thread that was still connected to that realm of possibilities that kept his feet moving to the opposite direction of where he meant to go and when he finally arrived, Levi felt the thread tighten its hold as he pushed the torch into the link in the wall and grabbed the handle on the door, pushing himself inside to the darkness.

He should have expected the knife.

He should have expected it to cut him even a little bit but when he felt the gush of hot blood on his fingers from the gash to his side, he reached out quickly to find the hand that wielded it.

“Erwin,” he said pressing onto the wound that kept bleeding through his fingers.

There was the clattering of the knife on the floor, the crash of Erwin crashing into the chair that doubled as his nightstand when he hurried over to light the oil lamp on it. Levi pulled the uniform jacket off, hurrying to pull his cravat off to press against the wound, not wanting to grimace too much at the pain when he reached to undo his straps. He could sense the hesitation in Erwin, the hurt in the way he hovered in the distance.

“Sorry I didn’t knock,” Levi said, through gritted teeth, daring a glance at the man.

The sight of him nearly made his knees buckle. His face ashen, his mouth drawn into a tight, emotionless line, the kind which Levi rarely saw, only after the most difficult decisions the man had to make. Bridging the gap between them, Levi pulled the strap across his chest open.

“Help me with this,” he told the man, knowing the way through to him even in this state. Direct orders, direct eye contact, get him to touch, get him involved. “I can’t reach over.”

Levi reached to his collar, fingers slipping the buttons out of their holes while Erwin, slowly, began to pull the straps free, his expression staying the same apart from the wrinkling of his forehead in concentration when he saw Levi hiss a swear. It hurt a lot more to be sliced with a knife when you weren’t running high on the kill, the chase and the pain from riding and impact. Erwin pulled his arm out of the shirt, glaring at the undershirt he always wore underneath it.

“It would’ve been a lot deeper if I didn’t wear this,” Levi said, pulling his arms up, letting Erwin hold onto the cravat that was keeping the blood flow to a minimum. He saw Erwin’s glare soften, his expression turn an ugly shade of guilty.

“You should have knocked,” the man said, barely out loud, his fingers peeling back the layers on the cravat until it gushed out another bit of blood. He sighed, holding onto Levi’s arm as he pressed down on the wound. “I’ll have to close that.”

Levi shook his head, placing his hand on top of Erwin’s. “Press on it.”

Erwin looked at him then, his eyes following the trail from his abs to his chest, the way they flexed when he pressed down on his side. “I can’t have you unfit.”

He nearly smiled. “Unfit.”

“Hold still,” Erwin told him, his eyes fixed on the rotten wound, his fingers peeling off the layers again. “I think it’s slowing down.”

“I can feel it’s only a flesh wound,” Levi muttered, looking down at the now exposed cut. Small, and it looked clean and red but not oozing anymore.

“I’ll dress it,” Erwin said passing the cravat to Levi who tossed it on the floor where his shirts and jacket were in a bloody pile. He sighed at the man as he crossed over to his drawers, pulling out a strip of cloth and a roll of gauze. “I have some strong wine for it if you’d like.”

“I would rather drink that wine. I know you never use that knife,” Levi said, turning to look at Erwin when he touched his arm not to alarm him.

He cleaned the skin around the wound with a wash cloth before he pressed a wrapped up piece of fabric on the cut and secured it in place with some gauze. Levi nodded his thanks, covering the wound with his hand when he bent down to pick up his clothes.

“At least now you know who’s behind your door,” he said to Erwin who attempted a smile back at him, his face drawing a tired grimace. “We should talk in the morning.”

Erwin nodded, looking around in the room when Levi retreated outside and locked himself in his own quarters.

Sleeping wasn’t easy. For the most part Levi lay awake in his bed, after washing himself fully and leaving his clothes to soak in cold water. He kept thinking back to that moment in Erwin’s office, the moment of him squinting hard at the papers. He knew Erwin hadn’t slept for days and it made it hard for him to relax enough to get more than a couple hours’ worth.

In the morning Levi dressed the wound again, got into full uniform and found himself wandering off to Erwin’s rooms. He sighed when he found the door open, already turning away when he heard the slightest sound coming from the inside. A soft whimpering sound, the kind which Isabel had made in her sleep before their first, and last, expedition outside the walls.

He peered in and noticed the lamp was still on. He picked up the knife from the floor placing it on a bookshelf further away from the bed, frowning at the bloody stains as he made his way to the bed, lifting the hot glass-dome off the lamp before blowing out the flame. Trying to pay no mind to Erwin, tangled in the sheets, his upper body bare, his trousers riding low on his hips, Levi pulled away from the bed. He cracked the window open, letting in some cool air. It was when he heard another whimpering moan.

It was unfair how a man like Erwin didn’t get peace of mind even in his sleep. His eyes moved under his closed lids, his hand twitching, reaching for something, his body stretching away from the pain, the impact of something monstrous and Levi saw the changes in his breathing between fear and oppourtunity. Forgetting the previous night, Levi crossed over to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge, careful not to wake the man up.

He pulled something from somewhere far away. A memory, a precious something that he had kept hidden just for himself and allowed his hand to find the man’s cheek. Softly, he stroked his fingers into Erwin’s hair and pulled him closer to what was. Levi softened his touch when the man began to wake, remembering the soft breath on his face.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning closer, breathing. “Hey… I’m here.”

He let the touch become familiar now. He let himself feel the comfort from it. He allowed Erwin to lean into it, to let out a sigh of relief, wallowing in the moment. Levi pushed himself further in, allowing his face to melt into the touch, pressing his hand further back, to Erwin’s neck, pressing his cheek against his, feeling the soft roughness of it against his own. He heard himself swallow when Erwin breathed out slowly, deep in sleep.

He stayed there. Hand and fingers stroking patterns in Erwin’s hair only to be wiped away by the next stroke. Levi watched the sun rise from the crack between the curtains, casting a column of light in the room in which he watched dust billow whenever a breeze disturbed them.

Allowing Erwin to wake up alone, he gave him a moment to adjust to the absence of his touch before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

He went to the kitchens, getting the tray ready for tea, boiling the water himself to pass time, slicing up some bread to give his hands something to do. He sat down to wait for the brew, collected the cups, drained the leaves out, arranged a few fruits on the tray before he decided the tea was losing too much heat.

Knowing not to even go to Erwin’s rooms, he circled to his office. He noticed the wet spots on his uniform collar instantly. The drying hair was combed neatly in place, probably secured with that stuff he got from the capital. His posture was better this morning than the previous. Erwin had cleared his desk.

“You’re up late,” he told the man, feeling a twinge in his side when the man looked up from the book, his diary, “I brought tea.”

He didn’t want to see whether the man knew or remembered. When he felt the touch on his wrist, a halting grip. He knew.

“Levi, I am so sorry about last night,” Erwin said, guilt colouring his voice ugly.

He shook his head, leaning over to grab the pot to pour the hot drink into two cups, “It’s nothing.”

Erwin knew better than to argue. He knew better than to try to make another remark about it and Levi was grateful. He could enjoy the cup of tea, a smell of jasmine wafting up to his nose from it, just here and now.


End file.
